Trials of this life

The first morning I came into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, I was met with a family who had just arrived. Their young toddler was just diagnosed with a brain tumor called a craniopharyngioma. It originally had started as just vomiting in the morning to seeing double and then through MRI and ophthalmology it was realized that she had this benign growing mass in her head. This young patient was a vibrant little girl that had a love for life and you could tell lived it to the fullest. Several times throughout the discussion the mother of the daughter said, "I still don't believe this, she's such an active little girl that loves life and this shouldn't be happening to her." It truly broke my heart to see this family that you could really see and feel the love they shared in their family, and this new trial that had come into their life. They had not expected this in the least. Their life had just taken a detour they had not expected. This child not only was now in an intensive care unit, but would have brain surgery in two days, and thereafter would have to have her hormones regulated for the rest of her life.

As I pondered upon this situation, I realized that this type of situation occurs more often than one would realize. How often have we found ourselves rocking along in life and something hits us and drops us to the ground. This occurs every day, someone had an unexpected stroke and is left as a hemiplegic, a car accident occurs and takes loved ones out of our lives, natural disasters occur and take everything from our lives. More and more we are seeing these things occur. Is it fair? Why does it happen?

There was a time in the life of Joseph Smith when he was taken from his family and his home and unjustly accused of breaking the law and sent to Liberty Jail in Liberty Missouri. He was held there for five months to await a trial that was never given a date. He and several other church leaders were placed in the dungeon of the building measuring 14x14 feet and only 6 feet tall. There were only two small windows in the dungeon and they were exposed to the inhumane conditions of exposure to the winter weather, hunger, thirst, filth, sometimes poisoned food, and sleeping on the hard, cold stone floor. Since Joseph Smith was just over six feet tall, he was never able to stand upright during this five month period. During this same time period, the governor of Missouri had sent an extermination order demanding the Mormons leave the state. This was a severe trial for the prophet Joseph Smith and the saints. It was during this time that the prophet received a revelation about the importance of trials in our life and their purpose. In Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-8 we read about God's response to this intense trial:

"If thou art called to pass through tribulation...if thou art accused with all manner of false accusations...and if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, hold on thy way...Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

This answers a great deal of questions regarding the trials we encounter in life. First, it tells us that no matter what trial we are called to go through, Jesus Christ has suffered more. The purpose of saying, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all" is to help us understand that through His suffering, we can receive help from Him. He understands what we are going through and thus can truly help us through any difficult trial we face. In turning to Him, only then are we able to truly find someone who is able to help us. Second of all, it states, "...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." In other words, there may be a purpose to this trial. Maybe after a certain trial, we are able to help others going through similar situations, maybe it is just to help us learn to trust in God. Whatever the reason, God knows what we are called to go through, and as he states in verse 9, "thy days shall not be numbered less." The trials we go through are known to Heavenly Father and He will help us overcome them if we turn to Him for help. In this manner, we are able to grow closer to God through our trials if we will turn to Him.

So how do we deal with the trials we go through? Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stated, "We live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith...How you deal with life's trials is part of the development of your faith. Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth. The Lord has reminded you, your children, and your grandchildren that you are lawful heirs, that you have been reserved in heaven for your specific time and place to be born, to grow...As you walk in the Lord's path of righteousness, you will be blessed to continue in His goodness and be a light and a savior unto His people."

As we build our faith and trust in the Lord, strength will come; as the strength comes, our faith gets stronger. The little girl and her family about whom this post is about has just such an opportunity. They were given a trial they had not expected, yet in knowing that the Lord understands and will help them can be just the assurance they need to get through this. If they will but trust in Him, and have faith that all things are done according to His purposes, this can be an opportunity to increase their faith in the Lord and help their family grow together. All things happen for a reason, whether they be fair or not I leave to God to judge. However, knowing that trials give us an opportunity to grow closer to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ sheds a whole new light on their meaning and hopefully, more strength to face them.

1. Russell M. Nelson, "Face the Future with Faith," Liahona and Ensign, May 2010.

2. Doctrine & Covenants 122: 5-9

Gaining a physical body

I am currently on the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit service where we take of some pretty sick little babies. Some of these babies were born as early as 23 weeks after conception. Some were born at term (40 weeks gestation) and may have needed to rule out certain problems. Either way, there is a wide variety of little tikes in there, all which are needing love and the need to feel taken care of.

There is one little boy that really struck me yesterday. This is a neonate that was born at 23 weeks gestation. For those of you who want a size comparison, being born at 23 weeks, the baby was likely around 10-11 inches in length with a weight of maybe 1 pound (500 grams). This is incredibly small and the majority of those born at this age will not survive longer than a few months. This little guy has made it over a 150 days so far!

He has some severe problems, but it shows how well he has persevered. As I thought about him, it made me realize how excited he was to come to earth to gain a physical body and how important it is. Even though is is broken and will never function the way most of ours will, he still does not want to leave his body because the benefits of being in it are still greater than giving up. What a true fighter and a spiritual giant indeed.

We learn from Job that when God presented the plan for us to come to earth to gain a mortal body to be tried and tested that we shouted for joy at the opportunity! (Job 38:7). We know that before we came to earth, we lived with God (Abraham 3:26, Job 38:7, Jeremiah 1:4-5, D&C 93:29). Only He had a physical body, though we were His spirit children, we did not yet have a physical body like He had. Eventually He presented a plan, the Plan of Salvation, where we could all come to earth to gain a mortal body and be tried and tested in order to become like He is. At this announcement we shouted for joy. We knew the only way to truly be perfectly was to be like He, our Heavenly Father, was. So when we were given this opportunity, we shouted for joy. We come to earth, gain this mortal body, and then leave it for a time before we are all resurrected, reuniting our spiritual and physical body never to be separated again. (1 Corinthians 15:20-22, Alma 11:40-45).

This little boy reminded me of this. It seemed he knew how precious this body of his really was, and was holding onto as long as he possibly could. He seemed to understand like the scripture states in D&C 93:33-34: "For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparable connected, receive a fulness of joy; And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy." Even though it had serious flaws that would keep him from living the type of life that most of us take for granted, he still wanted to experience this mortal world as long as he could in his own, personal physical body. This body was given to him in order to receive a fulness of joy that had been promised him. I am so grateful for this opportunity we each have to gain a physical body and learn how to be more like our Heavenly Father. It is so easy to take such a gift for granted when we have it every day and it usually functions well on its own. I hope that I too, will treasure my physical body like this little spiritual giant did.

Father...no greater joy

Now on my surgery rotation, I am currently in pediatric surgery. We had been consulted to see a young 10 week old infant in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. This little baby boy had been there since he was born. We were consulted to put a feeding tube into his stomach so that he could get the necessary nutrition he needed as he was not gaining any weight nor was he able to eat enough. This little boy had multiple problems in various organs including the heart, lungs, intestines, as well as growth restriction.
This little boy for some reason really touched me. He has a family that cares and loves him, at least from the photos in his crib, but they were not able to visit every day. He sits there each day doing his best to survive and live. Seeing him made me truly grateful for the opportunity I have to be a father. There is nothing more powerful than the love of a parent for their children. Moses 1:39 states "For behold, this is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." God's greatest work and his glory comes from helping His children succeed in returning to live with Him again. I've heard it said before that that of all the names God chose to be called, He chose Heavenly Father. It is was is most important for Him. I feel the same way. There is nothing as rewarding and as enjoyable as being a dad. The time and sacrifice seem so small compared to the joy I receive from my family.
As I looked down at the little boy today, I did my best to help him feel loved for the short time that I was able to visit with Him. Hoping and praying that during the short time I was able to spend with him, he would feel of my love for Him, and more importantly Heavenly Father's love for him. I knew that even though physically this little boy was alone, He was still loved dearly by our Heavenly Father. I knew he was being watched by and cared for by Heavenly Father, after all if the Lord each sparrow's fall, he surely knows and watches over his children (Matthew 10:29-31). I stood next to him with my hand on him and said a prayer asking Heavenly Father to be with this little boy and comfort him. Just as Heavenly Father loves and will comfort this little boy, He will do the same for each one of us. We are all His Spirit children and He loves us and wants us to find happiness in our life. How grateful I am to understand that my Heavenly Father loves me, and how comforting it is to me know that even though I had to leave that little baby boy, Heavenly Father wouldn't leave him alone.

Eternal Perspective

A few weeks ago, we were told that we had a consult dealing with an individual that was found down and unconscious by a family member. By the time they arrived at the hospital, there seemed to be no normal activity left in this person. Upon EEG testing, the individual was brain dead with the exception of one or two brainstem reflexes still intact. This individual's brain would never function for them again. The rest of their existence would be on a drug to keep them from seizing every few seconds. If they were to be taken off of this drug, their body would quickly die from inability to regulate the vital functions of breathing, temperature, and heart rate. The options left to the family then were to just let him go or keep on life support forever.
The family has decided to keep him on life support. The individual was then be placed in a home where skilled professionals were be able to constantly watch over him. Just a few days ago, this patient came back to the hospital for a bacterial infection. The person has had no change in abilities and is still on support to keep him from constantly seizing. This is a difficult situation for the individual as well as the family! Does the family keep him on support or should they let him go? Will they see him again or this truly the end?

The knowledge of the gospel changes the perspective for this individual and his family. Having an understanding that we will live again, changes the way you see this individual. We know from 1 Corinthians 15:22 that "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall be made alive." We know that we will be able to see our family members again! We can see them as they really are, without bodily limitations. What a great blessing this truly is. Alma in the Book of Mormon tells us, "Now, behold, I have spoken unto you concerning the death of the mortal body, and also concerning the resurrection of the mortal body. I say unto you that this mortal body is raised to an immortal body, that is from death, even from the first death unto life, that they can die no more; their spirits uniting with their bodies, never to be divided; thus theh whole becoming spiritual and immortal, that they can no more see corruption" (Alma 11:45). This is the hope that can keep many people doing what is righteous. If we live righteously in this life, we can see and be with our loved ones again, they and we will be able to be re-united in our perfect form I'm so grateful for this knowledge and blessing! Knowing this may help the family feel closure and when he moves on, find peace.

Who We Really Are and the Blessings of the Commandments

On my first day in neurology, I was sent to go in and interview my first patient to check for seizures. I went in and the first thing that was obvious was she was in a permanent vegetative state. The next thing was that she was growing facial hair. I did the cranial nerve and other neurological symptoms check as best I could considering the patient was unresponsive. Really the only thing I was able to check reflexes and pain sensation. As I went out and talked to my resident I found out more about this individual's story. She used to be a he. Ah hah, now the facial hair makes sense, so does the masculine facial features. But on top of this, I learned the cause of the permanent vegetative state. She had been at a party where cocaine was being used and had overdosed on it. Cocaine causes an intense constriction of the blood vessels so less blood can get through. In this case it constricted the vessels enough to cause a massive hemorrhage resulting in too little oxygen to certain parts of the brain (anoxic brain injury) resulting in this state.
There are several points that I want to bring up regarding this individual and their current state. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints put out a statement in 1995 called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", states, "All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."1 This tells us that our gender is something that is not just chance or luck of the draw. But we have been male or female long before we were born on this earth and will be that gender after we leave this earth. When we understand that we are God's children who lived with Him before this life and have the potential to return to live with Him again after this life if we do what is right, our perspective is changed. We realize that who we are in this life is important. We may have certain trials or challenges that make it difficult for us to deal with regarding our gender, but when we have faith in God and trust in His plan, we will be able to find peace in this life because we know who we are and who we will always be.
The second point deals with the sad experience this individual had with a cocaine overdose. The devil does not have a body and as such, is jealous of the fact that we have something he never will. We learn from Moses 4: 1-4 that Satan does not want us to find happiness, in fact all he wants is for us to find misery in life. It says in verse 4, "And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will..." This tells us that anything we do that is not from God, is from the devil; and since the only thing the devil wants is to deceive us, we can know that everything except following the commandments will bring misery! He just wants to wreck our lives with problems like drugs, alcohol, and all other types of addiction. This is how he deals with us. When we listen to the Father and His plan, we find true joy and don't need to find things that will give us an artificial stimulation or high, like drugs, we will always have true joy in our life. Furthermore we can know that we are preparing to find the ultimate joy by returning to live in His presence again! I am so grateful for latter-day inspiration that tells us who we are that we are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father sent down to earth in the form we have always been in. I am also so grateful for the commandments that truly make us free. The commandments of God will not restrict us at all, in fact, they liberate and give us true joy!

1. The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Family: A Proclamation on the Family, 1995.

Education vs. Hospital - Round 1

Today when I went in to interview a patient, I quickly became aware of the obnoxiously loud television blaring in the background. So often we have to go into the room and turn down a ridiculous television show that is sure to be killing more brain cells than building them. Whether it be a soap opera, a daytime television show, or some silly reality television show, these patients just sit there and watch a whole lot of nothing. Wouldn't it be nice to have patients be watching something that is actually going to be helping their health? Think about it, these patients come into the hospital, for the most part, because they are sit and unhealthy. (Of course you have the healthy people that just got in an accident too, but they are not the majority.) Why are we not putting videos about healthy eating, proper exercise, or teaching about the diseases they are plagued with up on the screen? Instead of just wasting their time, they are then watching things that will help them long after they leave the hospital. I know that many people would be up in arms about this, but are we trying to help people live healthier, better lives or not? When they come into the hospital, give them something more than just the 10 minute doctor visit to help them understand their condition, rather let them watch it in a more relaxed setting for them and they will then know what the disease is, how it is treated, and what they can do to help themselves when they leave the hospital. So the battle with helping patients rages, but at least this is another way we can help them right?
Doctrine and Covenants 130 18-19 states, "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his dilgence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come" So learning is essential in this life. Let's help educate those that need education on how to treat and take care of their body.
Any thoughts?

Cancer - A Trial and a Blessing

During my first rotation in the OB/GYN clerkship, I found myself taking care of a lady with an extremely difficult situation. This was a young lady who had several children of her own. She had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and did not likely have too long to live. It had been planned that her sister would take care of her children after our patient passed away. However, things took a turn for the worst soon and her sister died suddenly, leaving our patient and her husband not only without the help of the patient's sister, but also as the primary caregiver for her sister's children. As I thought about this situation I could not help but realize how much I felt for her, but honestly I felt worse for her husband. Not only was he losing his wife, but he now had an additional several children he was in charge of taking care of.
I don't know their personal situation or how well her husband does financially, but I can only imagine the stress and worry and pain he is going through. He has got to put on a strong face for his wife, for his children, and for his nieces and nephews he is caring for while worrying about who will help him raise these kids and how to pay for them all and the medical bills that are surely coming from his wife's treatment. This is the type of experience that makes one truly pray and pray hard.
We know from the gospel that we will not be given a trial that is too difficult (1 Corinthians 10:13). This is the type of challenge that will drive one to their knees but ironically has the potential to bring one closer to God than at any other time in their life. I remember one particular time on my mission (which is a time I spent serving my Church for two years) when my strength to carry on was tested. During this time I felt stretched to the limits of my ability to perform my duties, so much to the point that I fell to my knees prayed for strength. As I prayed, I felt the distinct impression that I needed to get up and the Lord would carry me and help me accomplish the things I was being asked to do. As I got up from my knees I knew that I was being given strength from God to get up. Over the next several months I felt the Lord blessed me to accomplish the goals I had set and truly be a better missionary.
I know my challenge is in no way is the same as this man's, but the point is that the atonement of Jesus Christ has the ability to carry all of us through the challenges we face on a daily basis. As we trust in Him, He will help us get through anything we need to get through and bless us to grow closer to Him at the same time. Alma, a book in the Book of Mormon states the following, "And now my beloved Brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions...with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions" (Alma 34: 40-41). How grateful I am to know that no matter the affliction or trial that may come upon me, if I do my best and rely on Christ and His atonement, I will one day have the opportunity to rest from these trials. I hope this man understands this principle as I know the peace it can and will bring in our lives can give him great comfort in his life and the challenges he will face.